Dear Lazy Athlete.
Don’t you dream of getting strong, shiny legs?
Do you want to leave behind the toothpick-legged crowd and graduate to a “Squat Champion”?
If you don’t squat, you ain’t squat.Unknown
Yeah, I guessed so. So, let me share with you the best squat challenge in the entire Universe…
The Holy Grail of Squats – Cheating Father Time
I found the ultimate way to get legs of steel cheating Father Time. The method to grow athletic legs without spending extra time in the gym. No foolish sweating in a place crammed with groaning primates.
Instead, you can get into the best shape of your life in a sacred place of blissful privacy. It is —and I’m not even kiddin’— The bathroom.
Don’t believe me?
I’ll prove it to you. Or, I rather want you to prove it to yourself.
Lazy Athlete’s Secret to 3,000+ Squats a Month Going to the Bathroom
Before you claim your squat-trophy, let’s establish some rules. That way, we can turn this transformational thrill-ride into a massive growing experience for everyone.
I know, this will all sound seriously silly to you. But, having personally risen from ‘flamingo-leg’ level to ‘(birch) tree-trunk-level’ myself with ease, I urge you to adhere to the laws of toilet-squatting below.
When life hands you lemons – SQUAT! Squats make everything better. And if squats don’t, bacon will.Anna Lee
The 3 Divine Laws of Toilet Squats
1. You shall squat when you enter the bathroom.
You go to the toilet? You squat. No excuses. Whether you’re at work, on an airplane, or in a submarine. You squat. You want to turn squatting into an instinctive reaction. Like, if someone mentions the word ‘toilet,’ you’ll have to fight an urge to squat –right on the spot.
2. You shall drink at least 3 liters of water a day.
The more you drink, the more often you gotta run to the bathroom. Input equals output. Simple computation. No cheating here.
3. You shall count your reps.
Only if you keep track of your reps, you’ll be allowed passage to athletic-leg-heaven. How else will you be able to brag about having done 3,000+ reps a month!?!
So, write down your numbers, add it up at the end of your day. Repeat at the week’s and month’s end.
Safety Guidelines to Toilet-Squats
Before some people nose-dive into the toilet bowl, let’s define “squat”.
1. Lower your body down till your thighs are parallel to the ground.
2. Keep your kneecaps behind your ankles.
3. Keep your body weight mostly above your heels.
4. Hold your back and your neck straight. No hunchback-pose
5. Take about 2-3 seconds for each squat.
Now, are you ready to start the best squat challenge available to the human race?
Entering Squat-Heaven – Choose The Best Squat Challenge For You
Decide how high you want to rise.
1.) Squat for Sparta – 100 Squats a day — 3,000 a month
Bad news: Leonidas and his 300 henchmen are sick. Can you gather your courage and squat for Sparta? One squat, one kill. You’re alone, facing 3,000 intruders.
For each time you hit the bathroom, do 10-15 reps. Keep at it until you reach 100 squats a day! Stay at it for 30 days until you reach glorious 3,000 reps!
2.) Squat for Middle-Earth – 250 Squats a day -7,500 squats a month
Ever watched Lord of The Squats? The true story is, the volcano’s lava wasn’t powerful enough to melt Sauron’s ring of power. Save Middle-Earth squatting till your legs reach 7,500 reps-Celsius and melt that ring to oblivion.
Do 25-30 reps each time until you reach 250 squats. Squat for 30 days, reach 7,500 reps, save Middle Earth. We count on you!
3.) Squat for the Olympus – 500 Squats a day 15,000 squats a month
Rumors are, Zeus does squats 14,999 a month! Do you dare to squat the mighty Zeus off his throne? Squat until your legs turn into pillars that could lift Mount Everest?
Aim at 50 squats per bathroom-session. Now, at the end of the day, that’s 500 squats!
The squat is the perfect analogy for life. It’s about standing back up after something heavy takes you down.Unknown
Do YOU dare?
I hereby challenge you to join me on the crusade for strong, chiseled legs of power.
Ready. Set. Squat! ;)